Yes to YAZ! - Countdown (2019)

Please, Lord, forgive me for I have sinned in the past and now regret it and humbly come to you to confess my wrongdoing: When Countdown (2019) was released in theaters I thought I was too good for it and chose not to go see it with my friends. I am a horrible person and deeply regret this sin of mine, pride got the best of me once again. Please, forgive me.

Although I am clearly joking about regretting my not watching Countdown when it first came out, I do sincerely feel remorseful for thinking that this horror film, this seemingly silly movie with the goofy killer app storyline and the cringey tagline of ‘DEATH? THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT’ was below me, well, I… (*looks around*)… um, the thing is… (*takes a deep breath*)… yes, I admit it, I was a judgmental asshole for underestimating the whole thing and yes I was the worse and yes I failed you, you, my real life friends who went to the movies without me, please, do accept my apologies and allow me to try to make amends for my shortcomings, even if it is three years too late.

For this reason, and this reason only, we are all gathered here today on this cold and solemn Sunday morning, under this one roof, and the easiest way I know how to go about doing this… (*laughs and changes to usual blogging voice*)… is by listing my top five Yes to YAZ! favorite moments for Countdown! So let’s do this, my internet horror friends, and if I forgot to say it at the beginning, Hello, Hi, Hi, hope you are doing amazing on this blessed day (and thank you for playing along, u da best! ;)

#05. THE APP: I see it now, the storyline was not silly—the tagline yes, still believe it was cringey—and, on the contrary, it was a refreshing take on the very real subject of death and dying. If you dowloaded the app called Countdown, accepted the User Agreement and added your personal info, it would then tell you how many years/days/hours/minutes/seconds you had before dying. The app was not designed to kill you, it was designed to tell you when you were going to die, however, if you broke the user agreement by willingly avoiding a situation which would more likely cause your death when you knew your time of death was fast approaching (getting out of a car operated by a drunk driver, opting out of surgery at the hospital, etc.), then, and only then, would Death come and personally collect you.

#04. DEATH: The horned Grim Reaper was a badass, his appearance was plain and classic yet his built was massive and impressive. (Girl, it was a look! Ew, wait a sec, did I find Death attractive?! WTactualF!!) I also liked how he was there to make sure you died according to plan, and by that I mean to your own unique “life plan” or “destiny” or whatever you want to call it. Again, Death and the app were not choosing your time of death or sentencing you to die, they were simply sharing with you the invaluable knowledge of the exact time it was going to happen to you and if you broke the “natural” course of things, the app would alert you with a sleek phone notification and Death would finish the job, simple as that.

#03. DR. SULLIVAN: Yep… (*blushes*)… that’s it.

#02. COMIC RELIEF CHARACTERS: The smartphone technician, Derek, and the priest, Father John, were hilarious, and even though this was not a horror comedy their jokes and dopey behavior worked extremely well and did not feel forced or awkward to the story. Sure, Tom Segura played the tech guy so that by default made his character the best thing ever but come on, a renown comic playing a sharp and witty tech guy while being a smart-ass in a horror movie? Dude, seriously, can I get an Amen in here? — AMEN!

#01. THE MAIN CHARACTER: Quinn Harris was our main girl and thru her we got to experience a plethora of emotions, all the ups and downs from her personal, professional, and family life, plus the damn app, of course. She was an RN which came in handy as she used her medical knowledge to trick Death and, well, I am not going to totally spoil the ending for you but let’s just say she was a worthy adversary who had zero time for nonsense!

What did I learn from Countdown, that is, other than being a judgmental asshole is embarrassing? I would have to say, without any question or doubt, that if given the option I would NOT want to know when I, Marath, will cease to exist from this earthly kingdom of God. Fuck that shit.

In Love and Fear,

—Marath

© 2016-2022

Frightening Unblinking Dead Eyes & Disturbingly Unyielding Teeth-Baring Grins: SMILE (2022)

Alright, alright, I’ll be quick since everyone and their mother already told you about SMILE (2022). Hold on to your panties, girlies, major spoilers ahead!

Rose Cotter is a caring—too caring, maybe? [gurrrl, chill, you deserve to have a life of your own, sheesh!]—psychotherapist—psychiatrist? the internet keeps referring to her as a psychiatrist but that’s not what I got when I watched the movie because psychiatrists are famously known for their pill-pushing, no bs attitude (read: to them, you are not a whole person, you are an illness) and Rose was nothing but a bundle of cozy vibes (read: she would mother you and listen to you and give you emotional hugs, you know, like an overly sweet psychotherapist that does the most)—working at an Emergency Hospital.

But pause. Why did Rose do the most? Well, luckily for us the movie was not shy abut showing her traumatizing childhood because of course her trauma came from childhood because obviously it did (we humans are so basic lol). Her single mom was severely mentally ill, like, not being able to get out of bed for days on end ill, like, having a bad case of debilitating depression of the kind that would scare a child, you know, like precious Rose. So long story short, little Rose left her mother to die (pill overdose) when she’d asked her to go call for help (closed the bedroom door instead and, hours later, found her lifeless body), so big Rose became a devoted mental health professional to cope with her deep-rooted guilt.

Let’s continue. So yes, Rose is a super hard worker, loved by the entire staff including her boss who looks after her and instructs her to go home because, again, she overdoes it to the point of potential negligence; she obeys and grabs her coat and purse, closes her office door, listens to the phone ringing in the distance and, instead of keep on walking and doing the sensible thing by ending the days-long shift, going home and resting, she runs, quite literally, back into her office [gurrrl, your mama ain’t gonna come back] and picks up the phone and seals her fate.

Turns out, this last-minute patient has the “smile” curse which will latch onto Rose as soon as she (patient) performs a traumatic action—more easily done in the form of a violent, messy, and bloody suicide—in front of her, you see, the curse needs an audience to survive. Doomed, poor Rose sees the patient slash her throat while bearing those frightening unblinking dead eyes and a disturbingly unyielding teeth-baring grin… Rose is now royally f@cked… tick-tock, tick-tock.

At the beginning, Rose thinks her sudden odd behavior is due to her childhood trauma being resurfaced by the traumatic event at work so she, thanks to her boss giving her a paid week off to de-stress, takes it easy and goes back to her own therapist to get some clarity but of course she doesn’t get it because it is not normal human trauma but spooky demon trauma and—I am now fast-forwarding an hour into the movie here so heads-up on the information whiplash—she ends up finding out that in order to get better she has to commit murder in the presence of someone else (audience, remember?) so the curse can jump from her to that third person (instead of being from person-to-person), thus rendering her free and alive, yes, messed up and imprisoned, but alive nonetheless.

Buuuut she doesn’t hurt anyone because she is a good person (or because she STILL blames herself for her mom’s death and wholeheartedly BELIEVES she deserves to be punished for it somehow) and instead tries to stick it to the curse and goes into isolation (no audience) and hurts (okay, kills) herself by immolation at her abandoned childhood home which was a beautifully crafted full-circle moment tbh.

Unfortunately, while Rose thought she was alone when she set herself on fire her detective ex-boyfriend was actually there, behind her, bearing witness to the trauma so get ready for the sequel.

In Love and Fear,

-Marath

© 2016-2022

Computers N' Loneliness - PULSE (2001)

What is it about Asian Horror that appeals so much to me? Is it the subtle dance between reality and the supernatural? Or, on the contrary, the very much matter of fact interactions with spirits? Perhaps it is nothing more than my romanticizing the plain beauty of the mundane (life), and the unexplained eeriness of the unknown (death), whatever the reason, I enjoy a good ghost story courtesy of our brothers and sisters from the East.

Pulse (2001) told a story so simple yet so profound that it left me feeling hopeless and lost for a moment, because, after all, what is humanity but a mere piece to a giant puzzle? What is life but a communal holding place for the now? What is death but a door to a lonely forever?

The story took place in Japan in the early age of the internet when people used dial-up connection and cd’s with internet access codes, you know, back in the day when society initially learned and adapted to modern technology, when computer classes and how-to manuals were a thing.

Michi Kudo was a young woman employed at a flower shop along with her friend, Junko Sasano. Michi took great pride in her work and went above and beyond, even when the tech guy working from home didn’t check-in for a week, nor answered his phone, she got worried and went to his apartment to check on him because, surely, it could not possibly take that long to work on a presentation disk for the client—their deadline was fast approaching and no one had heard from him. Michi’s gut feeling was right, his coworker was in trouble even if he denied it, and, tragically, to her horror, he took his own life while she was looking around his desk for the client’s disk.

This was the moment Michi’s life began changing for the worse. Suddenly, just like that, the shadow of death started hanging over her head; suicide was something that surrounded not only her but everyone else, people she knew, strangers on the street, they all seemed to have this heaviness to them, this dread inside them. People started dying. People started disappearing. Nothing but bodies and black stains were left behind.

Ryosuke Kawashima was an Economics college student with his first computer, you see, he had no idea how to use it, let alone how to navigate the internet with it, however, the one thing he understood was that the computer should not activate on its own in the middle of the night to show him disturbing images of lonely people suffering on the other side of the screen. This was when he reached out for help to Harue Karasawa in the computer science building.

Harue was not only great with computers, her intellect surpassed books which gave her exceptional insight into her existence; but it did not come without a price, you see, she recognized the ugliness in things and in people, in life and in death… she was jaded but she was actually right, people do not connect with each other, even when they say they are. [Side note: I might be reading too much into this 2001 movie, but I believe this was an ominous take on the way social media would bring us together decades later with its parasocial interactions.]

“The idea was so terrifying, I couldn't even bear it, that nothing changes with death, just right now, forever. Is that what becoming a ghost is about?” -Harue Karasawa

“Ghosts won't kill people... because that would just make more ghosts. Isn't that right? Instead, they'll try to make people immortal by quietly trapping them in their own loneliness.” -Harue Karasawa

And on the subject of ghosts and computers, the movie was very clear on the fact that the latter was just a means to an end, computers were never meant to be the main focus of the story, they were just the modern way of doing things; before it was tv's and vhs tapes, now it was computers and the internet. Ghosts would not cross over à la Samara, but would do so by showing their lonely reflections on those bulky 17” CRT monitors.

In the end, Harue took her own life just like everyone else; maybe it was because of the ghosts, maybe the timing was pure coincidence, maybe she could no longer tolerate the burden of knowing that, yes, indeed, nothing truly really mattered. In the end, her smarts and uniqueness were just the same.

Michi and Ryosuke were the last ones standing and eventually crossed paths and joined forces, but, unfortunately, one of them made it out safely while the other disappeared leaving behind a black stain. The End.

In Love and Fear,

—Marath

P.S. Nothing matters and we all die, but don’t be sad and listen to unintentional ASMR courtesy of Ryosuke’s computer skills.

© 2016-2022