I made the mistake of watching BEGOTTEN (1989) last night, and even though I don’t really talk about movies I don’t like, today is the exception, so here I am, and so are you.

I was made aware of the existence of the film a while ago thanks to the below image which, if I’m being honest, should have been red flag number one (hyper-contrasted black and white poster, what’s up with that?), nevertheless, I thought it looked cool so I added the movie to my ever-growing to-watch list without even going to IMDb first to find out what the plot was all about, red flag number two (since when am I an adventurous viewer, do I even value my free time?).

So last night happened. It was past midnight and I was not tired whatsoever, red flag number three (I am currently on vacation so my healthy sleep routine is out the window, why do I do this to myself?), thus, I decided to go to the kitchen to prepare a snack and watch something real quick before trying to go to bed… that something ‘real quick’ turned out to be BEGOTTEN as it only had a running time of 1 hour and 12 minutes. I ate a bite of my food and hit play and, unbeknownst to me, this would be my fourth and final mistake as my refreshment would go to waste (became nauseous almost immediately thanks to the opening scene), and my emotional state would take a turn for the worse (I was confused and disgusted but refused to quit watching because I needed to know what the damn thing was and how it ended!).

To be honest, I did not even last five minutes before I became so upset that I decided the only thing that would help me cope with the torturous watching experience would be “documenting” what I was seeing and feeling, therefore, I opened Notepad and started typing away. Enter my stream of consciousness. [NOTE: If I were you, I would say bye right now and skip reading the below text as it is a hot mess and an overall headache to go thru; the only reason why I decided to include my thought “experiment” on this post was because it represented a first-time for me, never have I ever been forced, by my own will, to cope with watching a horror movie, this was a truly painful experience, a harmful one, and would not recommend it. My love for horror was used against me and I lost, here’s my story.]

Silence, please. The constant cricket chirping, human heartbeat, guttural noises, and nonstop sounds are torturous companions throughout this movie. There is no dialogue, only noises. This is too much for my psyche right now. So far, I do not recommend this movie to anyone going through an existential crisis, this is some heavy stuff.// The film is shot in super contrasted B&W film and is difficult to watch at times, and not only because by the time my brain made out what the hell the ‘black blob’ was, I was confused and disgusted by what I just witnessed, a terrifying person sitting on a chair, agonizing in pain, throwing up blood, slicing his skin, dying, emptying his bowels and dripping down his right leg (add thumping and flatulence sounds to the cricket chirping, human heartbeat combo).// When I am about to let my own body relax from the visual/auditory trauma I just witnessed, a woman reveals herself from behind the diseased man, this woman seems to be possessed, in a trance, dancing around the room, touching her breasts... little by little she gets closer to the diseased, kneels down and grabs his hard member and starts stroking it until ejaculate bursts all over her naked belly.// Is this a dream? A nightmare? What am I watching?// More chirping, more heartbeat, more haunting sounds, more blackness, more whiteness, more suffering.// Now we are dragging a body all across hills covered in rocks, the body is convulsing and a placenta-like bag gets expelled from his mouth. What is this? What am I watching? And why does it remind me of an old Marilyn Manson video? Cryptorchid? Okay, okay, focus.// Rain, I hear it now, too bad this comforting sound is accompanied by images of a body being beaten down, why are they hitting him? What am I missing? There are two bodies now, one male and one female, her vagina, his penis, they are hurting their genitals, poking at them, it looks like rape. Is it rape? *instinctively, I cross my legs* It was rape, and she is dead now.// Flies, I hear them now. Crickets, water, insects, I hear them all and I see several men wearing big hats and they are doing something, what is it? It is too damn dark and cannot make it out… I need to concentrate even more. It is torture, not so much what the men are doing (that is over now), but what the movie is doing to me. I cannot force myself to hit stop and call it quits, I need to know how this nightmare ends. But wait, what is the point of finding out how it ends? There is no apparent main character, or villain, or story, or logic to this film; everything is suffering or dying by their own will, or not, all in black and white with no dialogue.// The crickets are gone, but strangely enough, it is finally nighttime and my eyes can rest from the hard saturation and heavy B&W contrasts, now it is black against grey. I only hear the wind now, or is it the ocean? Where are we now?// Oh no, the heartbeat is back. No! The men with the big hats came back for the convulsing man and they are beating him again! Why can’t he die and stop suffering? They came back and so did the sound of flies… what are they doing? I don’t know, I don’t know, I can’t see! Are those bones?// Rain. I see it. I am relieved. I can relate to rain. I know rain. I want more rain.// Drain pipes, organs being shoved into drain pipes with a big wooden stick.// Flowers dying. Sunrise. Flowers growing.// The movie is finally ending. “God killing himself, Mother Earth, Son of Earth - Flesh on Bone”? Okay, so that’s what it all meant!? Thank you, closing credits, for revealing to me the meaning of this nightmare. I honestly had zero idea but I see it now, the terrifying man committing suicide was God, the dancing woman was Mother Earth, and the tortured guy was their Son, and the people with the big hats were… humanity or something or other?? Wowwwwww. The movie was not worth the trauma I just endured. (Never again.) I need a hug, aspirin, tea, and wholesome tv to cleanse my mind.

In Love and Fear,

-Marath