Something weird and awkward happened last week and I don’t know how to process it so I’ll just go ahead and say it... okay, here it comes… I... I, ahem…. I watched the first two Sharknado movies and Oh dear god I liked them. I did. I liked the Sharknado movies. There, now you know my dirty little secret.
All jokes aside, these are the reasons why Sharknado [ humbled ] me in the face:
Because I didn’t know that the ridiculous idea of a natural disaster merging with a scary animal would create such an enjoyable threat to watch / Knowing that tornados occur over land, not water, but still being okay with the silly concept because Sharkwaterspout does not have the same ring to it / Throwing science, logic, and common sense out the window for a couple of hours of unabashed entertainment and not feeling guilty about it / Smiling in awe after catching myself making these faces because of the How-Who-Why-When-What situations:
Noticing all the terrible production mistakes and finding them endearing / Giving credit to the post production team for adding the many, many, many cartoon-like sharks to the first movie and kind of sort of making it work (they stepped up their game on the sequel) / Appreciating the acting skills of those involved in the film because let’s face it, only actors with humongous balls would say yes to a gig like this / Tara Reid’s character going from the obnoxious nagging ex-wife to the understanding badass fiancée on the sequel / Ian Ziering’s character pretty much staying the same between films except for his voice which goes from slightly annoying and juvenile on Sharknado (2013) to deep and manly on Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) / The dvd covers of both movies being almost identical and rejoicing in the fact that zero fucks must have been given by the art department:
Because it was satisfying seeing sharks inside waterspouts and inside tornados / Sharks swimming on the streets of L.A. and New York / Sharks jumping off manholes and landing on living rooms / Sharks not only falling from the sky but also coming from the sewers into the Metro / Sharks big enough to swallow a man and his chainsaw / Ian’s character emerging from the belly of a shark like a boss / Ian’s character slicing a shark in half in the coolest way possible / Ian’s character in general:
But most importantly, because I was truly humbled by the fact that I could recognize—and yes, I am now being serious—how the FIRST Sharknado was a product of pure love and imagination (in contrast to the sequel, which unapologetically turned its unique disaster horror comedy concept into the cash cow franchi$$$$e it was from 2014 to 2018), and that by simply being the result of movie-making defiance, it carved its place in history as one of the BEST worst TV Horror movies ever made.
In Love and Fear and Sharks,
-Marath
© 2016-2019