RE: True Crime

January 18, 2023

Well, this sucks. Today the unexpected happened and I am conflicted about it. Should I be relieved or saddened? Is this personal growth or self-censorship? Is my sudden change of attitude toward true crime content the start of something better? (Cannot tell if better is the correct word, different, yes, I prefer that, the start of something different.)

It all began a few weeks ago when I watched an analysis video by Pinely called The Broken Morality of True Crime Videos where he focused, to my amazement, on the ethics, or lack thereof, of treating true crime content as entertainment. Gulp.

So there I was, not only a true crime enthusiast who unabashedly consumed loads of graphic content on the regular basis (this now sounds so sad to me as I type it), but also a horror blogger whose ongoing body of work included five true crime posts. How am I supposed to feel after realizing I am part of the problem on both ends? The entertained and the entertainer? Double gulp.

My official introduction to the true crime genre as entertainment happened in 2020 when Netflix released a captivating docuseries about Aaron Hernandez; my ferocious curiosity on the tragic case left me looking for more information on the internet and on books and of course I found it (it being the answer as to why he did what he did… Netflix did not discuss that), and of course I wrote about Hernandez here on my blog as I was completely enthralled by the case.

So, the internet, right? A door was opened with Hernandez and I was all in, just like that.

From 2020 to 2022 I was part of the horde watching, reading, listening to, and writing about true crime... I do not know if I will continue doing that in 2023 and beyond, you see, that powerful video from Pinely really shook me to my core a few weeks ago and left me feeling uneasy, but today while at the gym, as if it could not get worse for me, I was visually bombarded by local, national, and overseas tragedies, as well as by two different crime investigations in progress (two!) via the multiple news channels blasting from the big tv sets placed in front of us runners—my goodness, what happened to gyms playing reruns of the latest basketball or football games?

The bigger problem was on my face now, I had felt it already, but I could really see it this time for what it was.

I have unsubscribed from yt channels, unfollowed podcasts, removed docuseries from my queue, and deleted books from my wishlist as the mere thought of me consuming more true crime content in the immediate and near future aggravates me.

The one single thing that makes me tolerate all of this is knowing that, while writing the five posts, I DID NOT treat with disrespect or indifference those affected by the events. I treated true crime with the heaviness and seriousness it always deserves.

So this is it, horror friend, thank you for reading this brief update for the blog, thank you for your time.

In Love and Fear,

—Marath

Canserbero (1988-2015)

May 30, 2022

Before I start talking about today’s true crime post I would like to close my eyes, take a deep breath in, thank god for the gift of life, exhale, imagine a warm and sunny day at a green field with nothing but grass, wet grass, inhale again, feel the wet tickling grass under my bare feet, exhale, and open my eyes with a smile on my face – HOLA AMIGOS! Today is Memorial Day Monday and I promised myself I would use this glorious extra day off (been on vacation for weeks now, return to work tomorrow, wish me luck lol) to finally talk about a case that has been on my mind for ages but had never had the courage to do proper research on as the subject matter would, without a doubt, upset me as it is about the untimely death of Canserbero, my favorite rapper.

So, with all due respect to everyone, I would like to dedicate this special day to honor the memory of Canserbero—the best lyrical poet of my generation—with one of my favorite songs of his, C'est la Mort, performed live at Club SDK in Argentina on November 10, 2012:

Canserbero, birth name Tirone José González Orama, was a Venezuelan underground rap and hip-hop artist regarded as one of the most important proponents of the genre in all Latin America even though he only had two solo albums—Vida (2010), Muerte (2012)—at the time of his death on January 20, 2015. He was 26 years-old.

Canserbero’s intoxicating lyrics were not only honest and raw, but also brutal and uncensored which was something he prided himself of and attributed as one of the advantages of being an underground independent artist (gave away his music as free downloads, making his living from live performance ticket purchases); the other thing he was proud of was the fact that he did not spend money on marketing as, thanks to the internet and social media, his fan base grew organically throughout the years (started making music under his nickname, Canserbero, since the young age of eleven years-old, joining several bands, but it wasn’t until he and Lil Supa—under the band name Can-Zoo—published the album Índigos [2008] that he got catapulted into international notoriety).

His second solo album, Muerte (2012), was hands-down a pretty damn perfect somber ride into his tormented psyche, according to me, that is. Songs like C'est la Mort, Es Epico, Maquiavelico, Mundo de Piedra, El Primer Trago, and Jeremias 17:15 changed the game in what is called género rap conciencia [conscious rap = peace, love, unity] while still skillfully managing to infuse his personal dark style into it.

In 2013 and 2014 he released two albums with the bands Apa & Can, and Give Me 5, respectively, and focused on touring. Touring, it would seem, would be a factor which ultimately would cause his murder (alleged murder, that is).

On Tuesday, January 20, 2015, at around 5am, emergency services were called to the apartment home of Carlos Molnar and Natalia Améstica, friends and business associates from Canserbero as, unfortunately, and tragically, both Carlos Molnar and Canserbero were reported dead onsite. Per Natalia Améstica, the only witness, the horrible event was a violent act of murder-suicide with her husband, Carlos, ending up getting stabbed multiple times inside their 10th floor apartment, and Canserbero ending up lying face up at the bottom of the building.

This is when my head starts to hurt. This is when things stop making sense, when logic and common sense yell at me in outrage for the right to know the truth, for authorities to do their job well and bring to justice the murders of both Carlos and Canserbero. A person does not stab himself to death, or jump seminaked from an ill-fitted kitchen window to his death when there is no apparent problem or conflict or reported mental illness or violent behavior; however, a person does end up getting murdered via stabbing and shoving from a great height when a crime is committed.

Money, in specific, touring money was allegedly never recovered from Carlos’s home and when Natalia was questioned about it, she claimed she had never heard of any money belonging to Canserbero’s tour (the funds came allegedly from ticket sales, see below concert bills; it’s so eerie to know they were scheduled to happen just a couple of weeks from his unexpected death) even when she was employed by Canserbero to manage his appearances (she was the Vicepresident of Cana Producciones, her family’s production house).

I am not one to talk about conspiracy theories, but damn it, there has to be a valid reason as to why two seemingly healthy men, a 34 year-old, married and with two kids, and a 26 year-old, single and living the good life, both happy, both successful, at the top of their music and entertainment careers, and both being good friends to top it all off, would hurt each other. Reason? Reason does not explain it. The wife and the authorities? They tried, badly, thus all of us fans driving ourselves crazy in order to have closure.

PER THE WIFE, her two kids were not home the day of the deaths because they stayed at their grandma’s after a birthday party and, allegedly, Carlos invited Canserbero to spend the night at their home because he was allegedly suffering schizophrenia (but then she also said she was the one Googling the signs and symptoms of a schizophrenic person all while an alleged physical dispute was happening outside her bedroom). Also, per the wife, she and Canserbero were allegedly having an affair and when they were caught having sex at her home on that morning (remember, authorities were called at around 5am on that tragic Tuesday) Carlos and Canserbero started fighting and one ended up getting stabbed and the other jumping thru the elevated kitchen window which had, believe it or not, glass louver panels, where you have to meticulously and patiently remove one rectangular panel at a time... (*sigh*) per the above crime scene photo, only five panels were removed… (*double sigh*) Almost forgot, the wife, the only witness, the one with conflicting interests, said she would officially testify when the case was officially resolved by the government (does the law work differently in Venezuela?), and immediately moved to Chile (surprise, surprise!). One last thing about her: since she would not make an official appearance of any type, she sent her brother, Guillermo Améstica, to speak to the media on her behalf and it was thru him that everyone was informed of the alleged serious mental illness and murdering instincts from Canserbero. Hello murder-suicide theory. Hello tabloid news. (Goodbye justice. Goodbye Canserbero.)

PER AUTHORITIES, the case was filed and quickly closed as a murder-suicide. The murder weapon was never found. Large sums of money were never found either. Carlos’s deadly injuries were reported on his back (stab injures). Cancerbero’s deadly injuries were congruent with a fall from a great height, also reported were injuries to his jaw (broken) and teeth (missing). In March of 2015 public defender Tarek William Saab published on social media his plans of reopening the case after taking a meeting with Canserbero’s sisters as, according to them, and as agreed by him, evidence of the louver window panels as having been removed one by one were indicative of method, not desperation (the official report characterized Canserbero as having been in a schizophrenic state, desperate enough to take his own life). The case was never reopened.

“Soy vida y soy muerte, no estoy aquí por accidente / Huye, que te coge la muerte / Quiero bastante ron el día de mi velorio y que repitan fuerte / Huye, que te coge la muerte” – C’EST LA MORT, CANSERBERO, MUERTE (2012) [I am life and I am death, I am not here by accident / Run ‘cause death will fuck you up / I want plenty of rum the day of my funeral and everyone to repeat loudly / Run ‘cause death will fuck you up]

So what about me? What are my thoughts? Well, I think Carlos’s wife had something to do with it, but what exactly is not something I can answer. I have plenty of questions though, like what was Canserbero really doing at those odd hours at his friend/business partner’s home? His own home was located in the same city of Maracay (not in the same building as reported by the media) so he could have left if he was able to. Why were the kids really away from home that night? Who organizes a kid’s birthday party (the daughter’s) on a Monday? Was it planned for the kids to sleep at grandma’s that Monday? Was it planned for Canserbero to spend the night at their home that Monday? Was there really an altercation? If so, about what? Infidelity? Money? Future business relationships? Why was Carlos only stabbed in the back? Since defense wounds are usually NOT found in the back, does that mean Carlos was not aware he was going to be attacked? Was he conscious prior to being attacked? Where was his body found? In the bedroom? In the kitchen? How much blood was found on and around him? About Canserbero, why was he found seminaked with his jeans and underwear down to his ankles? Can a body, when plummeting from the 10th floor, get undressed? Were his shirt and shoes found? If so, were they covered in Carlos’s blood? Since blood splatter of a victim is usually found on the body of the attacker, was there any other blood on Canserbero beside his own? (Actually, I found the answer to this one – No, it was not, Carlos’s blood was not found on Canserbero.) His jaw and teeth were broken, did he suffer the injuries while still on the 10th floor, or after? If after, then why was his body found facing up and not down? Now, about the kitchen louver window panels, is it possible for someone to easily remove them (how quickly, and do you need tools for it?), and jump out of them without trouble? What is the height and length when you remove five panels? Can an adult-size male body fit thru it? Jump thru it? What about jumping with great force and distance? And what about the wife, why was she Googling how a schizophrenic person “behaves” whilst her husband was in alleged danger? Googling? Really? Not trying to stop the argument and, when escalated into a fight, running for help, yelling, shouting, screaming, knocking on doors, calling 911 immediately? How was she found by authorities? Was she covered in blood? Freshly showered? Was she crying? In shock? And her brother, how soon did he arrive? Or was he already there? What role did he have in their family production company, if any? Did he know Canserbero personally? Was he in good terms with Carlos? And about the neighbors, what did they hear? If two men are trying to kill each other you WILL hear it when living in an apartment complex. Why was the wife the only reported witness?

Although questioning things might bring some momentary relief, even if to appease my sense of logic, my sense of order, of rightfulness, all this time and energy invested in trying to make sense of the senseless, all of this is for nothing, really… only they know what truly happened and took it to their grave. It is useless trying to defend this or that conspiracy theory as no one would be the ultimate winner. Winner of what? Of I told you so? Carlos and Canserbero are gone, kids lost their father and a father lost his son. All this noise is not going to bring justice or them back.

Huye, que te coge la muerte.

In Love and Fear,

-Marath

P.S. This in-depth 2021 interview with Canserbero’s cousin was really interesting and totally recommend you watch it.

The Heartbreaking Case of Conrad Henri Roy III (1995-2014)

February 20, 2022

WARNING: The following post depicts graphic content about Depression, Suicidal Ideation, and Suicide. Please click out of this page if you are offended by these topics. And please, if you are emotionally hurting and contemplating suicide, stop what you are doing and immediately contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org or call their number at 1-800-273-8255 for free and confidential help.

Eighteen-year-old Conrad Henri Roy III recorded the above 2-minute video of himself talking about his mental state in June, 2014. A month later he would take his own life.

## PART 1 – FACTS ##

Conrad was born in Massachusetts and was the eldest of three siblings. He was characterized by his mother as a nice and sensitive kid, and by his father as a good and hardworking employee. The mother worked at a psychiatric hospital, and the father at the family’s marine towing and salvage business. The couple separated in 2012 when Conrad was 16 years old, and it proved to be a difficult time for him as in October of that year he attempted suicide twice, once by drowning and once by overdosing on pills.

Conrad’s mental illness was treated with antidepressants which seemed to help but, as evidence would later show, he was still plagued by negative self-talk and low self-esteem. To make matters worse, in February, 2014 his father was arrested by the Mattapoisett police for assault and battery after pinning him down, his own son, and punching him repeatedly.

However, Conrad’s family and personal life looked happy and normal from a distance, with him living with his mother in Fairhaven, Massachusetts, with having a good relationship with his sisters, with working with his father, uncle, and grandfather in their family’s marine salvage business, with him being a good student and graduating from High School in June, 2014 on the Honor Roll with a 3.88 GPA, with being a good friend to his buddies, with being athletic and playing different sports, with enjoying sailboats, with getting his Tugboat Captain’s License at 18 years of age, and with him getting a new job at the Boston Duck Tours to captain their boat.

A long and prosperous life by the sea seemed to be in the cards for Conrad until his mental illness made him believe—one can only speculate—that by ending his own life it would put a stop to his unbearable emotional pain. (Depression is a common and manageable mood disorder, but it should never be underestimated and left untreated especially if the person going through it talks about suicidal ideation. Depression and suicide should not be romanticized, they are not a game, and in a worst case scenario they have the potential of killing its host.)

On Saturday, July 12, 2014 Conrad went for a walk to the beach with his mother and two sisters, and, later on when asked about it in retrospect, they claimed not seeing anything out of the ordinary with him, he looked to be in good spirits, slightly distracted on his phone but nothing to be worried about. After the beach, the three siblings stopped for ice cream and once back home, a little after 6pm, Conrad told his family he was going to head out to his friend’s house and that more likely he would not make it to dinner. He got in his truck and drove away with no plan on returning.

On the morning of Sunday, July 13, 2014, Lynn Roy, the mother, noticed that her son did not spend the night home which was unlike him so she went to the friend’s house to look for him, and nothing. Then, she went to her ex’s house, and nothing. Then, after the gravity of the situation set in her stomach, Lynn called the police to report her son missing and just a few hours later they called back notifying her that his truck had been found parked outside the local Kmart and that Conrad was inside the truck. Deceased.

The cause of death was ruled a suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning via the fumes of a portable gasoline-powered water pump.

In an unexpected move by the authorities—unexpected because it seemed to be an open-and-shot case for the family—Conrad’s phone was inspected by two Detectives and a special focus was placed on the only text message thread left behind on the device by Conrad, the one he had with a female contact. There were thousands of messages—which police forensically extracted from the smartphone—with a large number of them, words and pictures, being alarming in nature, and the Detectives agreed that had it not been for the cyberbullying inflicted from the female to Conrad, he would still—not more likely, but would still—be alive today. They took the evidence to the DA, put together the case, and on February 4, 2015, Michelle Diana Carter, age 17, was apprehended and charged with involuntary manslaughter. (From this point forward she will be referred to as the defendant.)

## PART 2 – BAD COMPANY ##

In 2012, when the Roy family vacationed in Florida while visiting relatives, Conrad met the defendant through mutual acquaintances and started a long-distance relationship with her; even though they both lived in Massachusetts, not even an hour away from each other, they only hung out in person twice (some sources say three times) over a two-year period—no pictures exist of them together as a couple—and chose to communicate exclusively via text on a daily basis, multiple times a day, talking about age-appropriate subjects—one can only assume—but also, and most importantly, as court evidence would later show, about their own struggles with mental illness.

Conrad suffered from depression and social anxiety and was taking medication for it. The defendant suffered from an eating disorder and was medicating as well.

For the majority of their two-year relationship the defendant advised Conrad to not only seek professional help, but to also go to inpatient treatment like her, but he brushed her off by saying that nothing worked for him. Then, on the last weeks of Conrad’s life the defendant turned on him, encouraging him to end his life. These were the final texts they exchanged on Conrad’s very last day alive:

## PART 3 – TRIAL ##

On June 5, 2017 the Defense opted for a bench trial, which is a trial without a jury and where the guilty/non-guilty verdict is decided solely by the Judge. This must have been a calculated move on their part as they surely must have predicted that when the Commonwealth presented the [heartbreaking] evidence to the jury, it would have made it difficult for them to keep an unbiased opinion and, more likely, ended up favoring the victim.

[Supreme Court, Commonwealth v. Carter – to view the 70-page pdf file, click HERE]

The Judge chose the verdict based on the law, not emotion, and on June 16, 2017 the defendant was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter (she was allowed to go free on bail until sentencing). On August 3, 2017 she was sentenced to serve a two-and-a-half-year term, with fifteen months to be served in the Bristol County House of Corrections, the rest of the balance suspended, and five years of probation to be served (she was allowed to go home until all of her court appeal options were exhausted).

On February 11, 2019 the defendant began serving her fifteen-month sentence. On January 23, 2020 she was released early from prison due to good behavior.

“… Sam his death is my fault like honestly I could have stopped him I was on the phone with him and he got out of the car because it was working and he got scared and I fucking told him to get back in Sam because I knew he would do it all over again the next day and I couldnt have him live the way he was living anymore I couldnt do it I wouldnt let him…”

## PART 4 – PERSONAL OPINION ##

I understand depression. I understand teenage behavior. And I can do my very best to try to understand [from a distance, years later, thanks to the evidence shared with the public] the harmful, negligent, and secretive relationship between the defendant and Conrad. What I cannot understand is how a young and athletic and strong human body can be sitting in an enclosed environment, getting poisoned by deadly fumes, having the survival instinct kick in with the lungs “screaming” for air and the legs and arms “pushing and shoving” against the “orders” from the depressed brain to “just take it” and die, by having the evolutionary physical panic reaction help the body escape and exit the enclosed deadly environment to preserve itself, for all of that to be overridden by the verbal instruction of someone else over the phone, to simply going right back into the enclosed deadly environment without the body resisting and putting up a fight at all? That is what I cannot, and will not, understand.

In my personal opinion—and I am clearly only speculating—I think that 1) Conrad took his prescription sleeping pill to aid him fall sleep in the truck and while waiting for it to take effect he spoke on the phone with the defendant (court records showed they last communicated on 07/12/14 on a phone call that started at 7:12pm which lasted 47 minutes), and that at some point before losing consciousness due to the medication he turned on the portable water pump which became his death sentence within 20 minutes.

I also think that 2) the defendant lied for whatever reason about telling Conrad to get back in the truck as he—and again, I am just speculating—might have never actually gotten out of the truck because if he had then there was no way for his survival instinct, as strong and powerful as it can be expected from a young and athletic and strong human body, to allow him going back. Survival instinct overpowers the body to preserve life, that is how it works, and that is why it works.

If I am right, it would mean that Conrad died peacefully and that the defendant lied.

If I am right, it would mean that Conrad died by his own free will and that the defendant’s lie was the one that caused her own guilty verdict.

If I am right, it would mean there were no winners on this modern-day self-destructive relationship between two young broken souls. Conrad’s depression appeared to have latched to the defendant because his depression was tricking his better judgment and made him see her, use her, as its weapon of choice –because that is what depression does, it lies.

In Love and Fear,

-Marath