Original Post Date: 03.26.17
I am a complicated woman. Sometimes I hate something so much that I cannot stop thinking about it. Sometimes I hate something so much that I obsess until I get it out of my system. Sometimes I watch a movie I absolutely hate more than once. Sometimes I even write about it. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about IT FOLLOWS (2014).
I was curious about the movie only because of the famous freeze-frame that’s been used on many memes all over the web, you know, the one with a dead girl at the beach with her body contorted? That picture made me add the movie to my to-watch list but I pushed it to the bottom as the story did not sell it to me. But finally I got around it due to my own laziness as I was aimlessly browsing Netflix (not a sponsor) and IT FOLLOWS was there, so I clicked play. Little did I know that the famous dead girl scene belonged to the opening sequence and did not have much to do with the main character, so after that that was it. I should have clicked stop right then and I would have had a better experience. Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.
She is our main character. Her name is Jay. And that one right there is Jeff who also goes by his asshole alias “Hugh”. And I am only saying asshole alias because he is an asshole as he intentionally gave Jay an STD from hell. Yes, you read it correctly. Jeff, no, Hugh infected Jay for life with a supernatural sexually transmitted disease that cannot be cured and, allegedly, can only be contained by passing it to someone else, and should that ‘someone else’ person get killed by the supernatural STD ghost, well my friend, bad news for you.
So this is a good idea, and I honestly mean it. I do not recall another movie that used sex as the only medium for evil to spread across a population. Kudos for this. Now, my only problem with it is that by sex being the only way to transmit it, you are demonizing sex by itself which is total bullshit. But I get it, the movie is for an specific demographic which does not include me. I am not the target audience. I am a non-religious married woman in my thirties and not a Christian single girl in my teens.
Had the story made the differentiation that unprotected sex would get you killed and that protected sex (condom!) would not get you killed, then I would have had no problem with it. Give people options and do not demonize something that doesn’t need it.
This is the perfect time to mention the reasons why I hate IT FOLLOWS: the lack of parental figures or, actually, of any other capable adults – the teenagers went about their struggles all by themselves without an older and wiser person of authority; the absurdity of coming and going to places for a long period of time without any struggle – do you want to go to my summer house to chill, or maybe to an abandoned and fully functional pool (wtf!?) to try to kill the STD ghost that follows you; or what about the asshole who infected you, do you want to pay him a visit to his house and not have an argument like a normal human being an instead drink juice at his backyard; and what about not calling 911 when you see your friend’s house been broken into by one of the STD ghosts? (for this last one, go here to watch my Instagram reaction video)
That’s it man. Phew. I feel like it’s finally over. I am done complaining about the movie. I am done. I can now move on with my life like a well-adjusted adult. I am done talking about something that affected me for being so absurd and unrealistic. But before I wrap-up this post, let me tell you that there is a vast difference between a supernatural horror movie dealing with nonrealistic human behavior, and between a supernatural horror movie dealing with real human characters who no matter how ridiculous things get for them, you know that at the end of the day they would be okay because their level-headed common sense attitude would give them a chance at survival. If they have a chance, you have a chance.
Good night, (condom)
- Marath