HULU had Lords of Chaos (2018) on my For You section and since it said it was about “a teenager's quest to launch Norwegian Black Metal in Oslo in the early 1990s [resulting] in a very violent outcome” I thought to myself, why the hell not and immediately hit play on the movie. Today I am NOT here to tell you how much I loved the docudrama although I did (thank you, algorithm), but instead I am here to express my hatred (ew, hatred is such a strong word) for what I learned happened to poor Dead in real life #RIP.

But before I start talking about Dead, I would like to say that those two other Mayhem guys were crazy! The band’s co-founder and guitar player Øystein "Euronymous" Aarseth for using Dead’s suicide picture on an album cover and for being a bad Satanist (all smoke and no fire), although I do have to give him props for having such a great eye for business and marketing —knowing that once you told people they were not worthy of listening to your ‘evil’ music would make them want it even more was brilliant, no wonder why he is still considered the creator of true Norwegian Black Metal. And do not get me started with bass player Kristian "Varg" Vikernes who not only was a church-burning neo-Nazi but also Øystein’s killer — yikes!

[Quick side note: It is not lost on me that if old-timey black-metalheads knew that a welcoming, all-inclusive, open-minded, well-adjusted, happy American woman was writing online about their beloved exclusive subculture they would low-key have a stroke, and for that I would politely tell them to please calm down and take a few deep breaths because it’s been three decades already and these are nothing but the meaningless ramblings of a total stranger on a blog so, yada, yada, yada, it’s okay, no one cares, I promise.]

Swedish singer Per "Dead" Yngve Ohlin aka Pelle was born on January 16, 1969 and died in Norway on April 8, 1991 of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was 22 years old.

Dead joined Mayhem in 1988 as their vocalist and was regarded as extreme onstage, not only for wearing corpse paint on his face and for burying and digging his show clothes so they would have a rotten smell, but also for cutting himself in front of the live audience. Self-harm and death were big topics for Dead.

Some say that due to a sports accident, or a beating from bullies, Dead’s spleen ruptured when he was 10 years old and was pronounced dead at the hospital. This event played the biggest role on Dead’s life, messing with his head to the point where some people speculated that he must have developed Cotard delusion which made him believe he was really dead.

"Dead didn't see himself as human; he saw himself as a creature from another world. He said he had many visions that his blood has frozen in his veins, that he was dead. That is the reason he took that name. He knew he would die." -Stian "Occultus" Johannsen

Those around Dead knew he suffered from severe Depression, yet, no one did anything to help him out. Not sure if it was because they were all young men with no real life experience, or because they were men and omg only pussies get sick, or because it was a different time and Mental Illness was still considered a big no-no among the general population, or because it was Norway and damn it they do things differently there. I guess what I want to say is that, hypothetically, had I been there, I would have said something to try make him seek medical attention or at the very least had taken away from him the loaded shot gun and knives.

“Excuse the blood, but I have slit my wrists and neck. It was the intention that I would die in the woods so that it would take a few days before I was possibly found. I belong in the woods and have always done so. No one will understand the reason for this anyway. To give some semblance of an explanation I'm not a human, this is just a dream and soon I will wake. It was too cold and the blood kept clotting, plus my new knife is too dull. If I don't succeed dying to the knife I will blow all the shit out of my skull. Yet I do not know. I left all my lyrics by "Let the good times roll"—plus the rest of the money. Whoever finds it gets the fucking thing. As a last salutation may I present "Life Eternal". Do whatever you want with the fucking thing. / Pelle. I didn't come up with this now, but seventeen years ago.”

Is there a way to end on a good note this morbid post? Well, let’s see… in 2009 Roadrunner Records positioned Dead in number 48 on their TOP 50 GREATEST METAL FRONTMEN OF ALL TIME list, but I guess that recognition was not much in comparison to the fact that music scene outsiders, back in 1991, became aware of the existence of Norwegian Black Metal because of Dead’s suicide, granted, it was a sad and unfortunate introduction, nevertheless, it propelled the new genre across Metal communities all around the world.

Rest in peace, Dead, your life was brutal and short, but it meant a great deal to many. Hail Satan.

In Love and Fear,

-Marath