Original Post Date: 10.11.18
I feel like a crazy person. Yes, I am aware this is something I should not say out loud, and definitely something I should not declare in writing on such a permanent and public forum. But fuck it, I feel like a crazy person. Only a crazy person would cry inconsolably four times in a row after finishing reading a fiction novel. Four times. Unnecessary. Even for me.
Back in February 2018, eight months ago, I started reading “The Witching Hour” by Anne Rice. It was my third time trying to read it (detailed explanation found here) as, basically, the size of the book was overwhelming and I could not see myself finishing almost one thousand pages of the same story. The thing was, eight months ago I didn’t know it would not be the same story, and that that same almost one thousand pages would not be enough to tell it all, and that now I find myself in October craving more.
I wish there was more so I could end this sudden bout of sadness that I feel. I was not prepared for such a sad ending. I was not prepared to letting the Mayfairs go, period.
Do you know what bothers me the most? The fact that I was not aware I cared so much for Michael Curry, I was so enthralled by The Mayfair Witches and Lasher that the minute their ordeal imploded, all the rawness of Michael was revealed and exposed and taken advantage of. I hate it. Why do I feel sad for him? What does his story say about the human condition? About me? Maybe it says that we are imperfect, trying to make things better for ourselves, letting our guard down either by inexperience or by choice. Perhaps it says we are willing to put ourselves at risk to one day feel happy and complete again, to one day make sense of everything that went wrong just to be ourselves again.
[Okay, I am back, I had to take a break. Make that five times in a row.]
The thing is, you let someone have all that really actually matters—love, companionship, hope for the future—just to take it away? WHY!? Wow, look at that, my sadness is slowly turning into anger… interesting.
By the way, whenever I write about horror books I never write a proper report, not even a review; I only share my experience from—one could say—a ‘feelings’ perspective as that is something I am well versed at: feeling my feelings. Wait, were you waiting for me to tell you who the Mayfairs were, or what the story was about, how it began, how it ended? Are you new to marathMARATH? (damn, thank you and welcome)
I would like to end this short yet emotionally draining post with a much needed positive quote:
“And I suppose I do believe in the final analysis that a peace of mind can be obtained in the face of the worst horrors and the worst losses. It can be obtained by faith in change and in will and in accident; and by faith in ourselves, that we will do the right thing; more often than not, in the face of adversity.” – Michael Curry
In Love and Fear,
- Marath